So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.