It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
North Korea, Best Korea!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wipe that smile off your face.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone came in the potted fern
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.