you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.