first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.