If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.