New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
