forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
