Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He shit in the fireplace
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
