Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
