I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
