can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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