my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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