last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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