you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
