member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
