My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
