You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
