I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
