My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
