I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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