Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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