You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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