im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize