I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize