we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
