if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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