I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
