In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
