I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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