I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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