you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
