dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
