i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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