By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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