I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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