Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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