She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
