There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
