We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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