1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.