You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.