this just has baby written all over it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here