these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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