I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
