dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
