Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Farmville is her only friend.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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