meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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