Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
