I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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