I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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