playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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