We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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