Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize