i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize