all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
