i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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