No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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