I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
