I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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