Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
