forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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