From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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