Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
