How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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